Small mindset shifts make a big impact
The majority of the beliefs that guide our lives are ones we unconsciously absorbed during childhood. Identifying and questioning these beliefs is important to live a better life.
Here are three beliefs I consciously dropped for a happier life.
1. There is something I am meant to do
There is much emphasis on a person’s career in the US. Children are asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” The work done for money — a career or vocation — is defining. Lawyers, doctors, engineers, and many other professions are held in higher esteem than “other” jobs.
Since childhood, we have been told that what we do for work — or what we “become,” according to how it is phrased — is an essential part of our identity. How could we not believe this? We are asked about it constantly.
So when I thought about a “purpose” for my life — Divinely appointed or otherwise — I thought about a job. A career. A vocation. A. Singular.
I believed that there was one thing God had in mind for me — a task that was mine to do and mine alone. Any time I was “off the path” or not pursuing that purpose was a waste. There was a purpose for me: I had to find it, and then achieve it.
This belief caused a lot of stress, fear, anxiety, doubt, and depression. Along with the belief in a singular life purpose came other beliefs to support it: I am meant to do something great; once I achieve it, I will be happy; if I miss out on fulfilling my purpose, my life is pointless.
One day I realized this belief was doing more harm than good, so I consciously decided to stop giving energy to the idea that there is something I am meant to do in this world.
Dismantling the belief in a life purpose did not send me into a meaningless existence. In fact, quite the opposite. Without a destination in mind, I was free to explore and discover gifts, talents, and interests. And over time, I cultivated a sense of purpose in whatever I happened to be doing.
2. Success is important
You could argue that success is relative and means different things to different people. But most people in the West know what I’m talking about when I say “success.” The good job with the fancy title; owning a home in a nice neighborhood; driving a nice car. To be successful is to make lots of money and be living “the good life” — or at least look like you are.
For many years I was trying to create a life that looked good from the outside. I did the things I thought were necessary to find success: go to college, get a good job, get married, buy a house, work hard, make more money, buy more things, have more experiences.
Even the Millennial lifestyle of freelancing and traveling isn’t an escape from devoting our lives to the outward appearance of success. We simply replaced owning homes and nice cars with luxurious vacations we can post on Instagram.
Once I achieved a certain level of success, I realized how meaningless it all was. I had everything 18-year-old me thought was important: a good job, respect in my industry, a 4-bedroom home, and a new car. And I was still the lost person I was when I was renting and living paycheck to paycheck.
Believing in the importance of being successful was no longer serving me. I had to let go of the desire to appear successful to grow and find true happiness.
I learned that there is no point in living a life that looks good to other people. Instead, build a life that feels good for you — and forget what it looks like to other people.
3. When [blank], I’ll be happy
Fill in the blank with whatever you’d like. When I find my soul mate. When I get that job. When I get the promotion. When I become a mom. When I am financially secure. When I own a home. When I am retired…
If you look toward some future point in time to supply your happiness, you’ll never be happy.
The person living paycheck to paycheck thinks financial stability will bring happiness. The bored person thinks excitement will bring happiness. The sick wish for health. The healthy but overworked wish for rest. The lonely think having friends will make them happy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself. But too often we seek out external accomplishments in the hopes we will be rewarded with happiness. It doesn’t work that way.
The best way to be happy is to be grateful — right here and right now. Yes, things could be better. But they could also be worse.
True happiness comes from an appreciation of life — in all its messiness. By letting go of the idea that some future circumstance would make me happy, I was able to appreciate what I already have and find happiness in the process.
Beliefs impact mental health and are an essential part of how we create our reality. Change your beliefs — change your life.
