How our beliefs can hold us back and impact our mental health
(This article originally appeared in Change Your Mind Change Your Life.)
Every life is lived within a set of beliefs. Our beliefs tell us what we think is possible for ourselves and in our lives. They guide our behavior and influence our values. According to Tony Robbins, “beliefs create the maps that guide us toward our goals and give us the power to take action.”
Part of personal growth is learning to recognize the beliefs we hold and adopt new beliefs when needed. The majority of our beliefs are handed down to and accepted by us during childhood, without much thought. We owe it to ourselves to examine what we believe and determine whether it is still accurate. And, more importantly, decide if the belief is still serving us.
If we don’t question our beliefs, we become victims of belief bias. Belief bias is a psychological phenomenon where we rely on prior beliefs and dismiss evidence that conflicts with them. That means our beliefs can keep us stuck and unwilling to accept new ideas about ourselves and what’s possible for our lives.
It isn’t just whether we believe in a higher power that influences our lives. Contrary, it is often the smallest and seemingly unimportant beliefs that have the greatest impact on who we become and what we do.
For a long time, I believed that my sister got the “language gene” and I did not. In my young adult life, I never tried to learn a language because of the belief that I wasn’t good at languages. This is often referred to as a self-limiting belief.
When I decided to question my beliefs and stop believing I was bad at languages, things changed. I began using Duolingo, watching Spanish TV shows, and listening to podcasts for Spanish learners. Within 6 months, I was ordering food and having basic conversations in Spanish!
If I never examined my belief, I might have never tried to learn another language. Indeed, the belief that I didn’t get the “language gene” held me back from even trying for 30 years!
Question your beliefs through your stories
Another way to consider how beliefs guide our lives is by considering the stories we tell ourselves. All day long, our internal monologue is chattering away about the world around us. On a sunny, 75-degree day, my mind tells me “what a beautiful day!”
When I receive feedback or criticism, my mind tells me “you really screwed up this time.”
When someone is rude or mean to me, my mind says “wow, what a dick!”
Begin noticing the internal chatter that runs through your mind each day. Before long, you’ll notice a few regularly recurring thoughts. An examination of these prevalent thoughts often reveals a hidden, underlying belief. Question your beliefs.
Our minds tend to be meanest and most critical when we’re doing new things or hard things.”
Dr. Diana Hill
Imagine you get a bad grade or miss a deadline. Does your mind tell you horrible things about yourself, such as “you’re lazy” or “you’ll never amount to anything” or “you’re always like this”?
According to psychologist Dr. Diana Hill, “Our minds tend to be meanest and most critical when we’re doing new things or hard things.” It’s just something our minds do! But those negative thoughts are just thoughts — and you can choose to change them.
You can change negative thoughts by discovering the underlying belief they stem from. Imagine you’re a detective and make it a fun experience to analyze the random things that pop into your mind. You might discover a belief that you always have to be perfect. Or that you’re not capable of achieving high grades or meeting deadlines.
Once you are able to identify a belief, you can choose to change it. When it comes to our beliefs, the real question isn’t whether or not the belief is true. The question is — is this belief serving me and the person I want to be?
If the answer is NO — believing I suck at managing my time is not serving me — then the choice is yours. You can continue believing in your poor abilities to meet deadlines, or you can let go of that belief and replace it with a new one. “When I focus, I can accomplish a lot of things in a short amount of time.”
It may seem silly to believe something that seems so contradictory to your reality. Yet over time, new beliefs can change your internal monologue. And that’s important because our stream of automatic thoughts tends to be negative and critical, which can have a profound impact on our mental health.
During the belief-changing process, your old (most likely negative) belief will reappear. When that happens, correct yourself by consciously thinking about your new belief. Eventually, the drunk monkey inside your head catches on and your inner chatter becomes more positive. And that’s the first step to changing your reality!
Changing my belief that I wasn’t good at languages didn’t make me fluent in Spanish the next day. But it did allow me to put in the time to learn something new without getting mad at myself whenever I messed up. My new belief gave me the resilience to keep going whenever it got tough because I chose to believe it was possible.
Be open and non-judgmental in discovering what you believe. Someone once said, “if you want to know what you believe, look at your life.” From a place of curiosity, question your beliefs.
Do you shy away from initiating conversations because you believe you’re unlikeable?
Are you the last person to volunteer because you believe you’ll never get picked?
When things are going well in life, do you self-sabotage because you believe good things don’t last forever?
All these beliefs are just ideas. Maybe good things can last forever. Maybe they can’t. Who knows! The important part is to ask yourself, is this belief helping me become the person I want to be?
Questioning your beliefs is one of the most powerful things you can do to experience more freedom, joy, and peace in your life. Don’t let the limiting beliefs of your parents, teachers, or culture continue to be your limiting beliefs. Choose your own path!
